Let us assume marriages are created in Heaven
Growing up it appeared every marriage had a spark of perfection and this made many of us yearn for that haven of building a home. At some point I learnt that what we witnessed was the maturity of keeping up of appearances.
Most of the couples had accepted their fate, and had adopted tolerance and endurance over the years. So marriages are forever but painfully so, this they carried till death did part them. Most of us were too insensitive to take note or overly engrossed in the ideal making is ignore the obvious. Like how often did we see them really cracking jokes and play with themselves?
What about the innumerable scandals and strange children popping up here and there ? The hideous secrecy was full of venom and many homes till date remain inconsolable creating no space for agreement. Yet we thought they all had beautiful marriages.
The next generation of fifty and sixty year olds are now having to learn it all over again that marriage is not necessary a figment of imagination rather it's effectiveness can only be established based on purpose understanding and willingness . Many are abandoning the home front hurriedly as it appeared life had passed them by and are trying to play catch ups.
The truth be told emphatically that is is that many of us have ideals but have based on survival compromised and resorted to the make do format. Some based on advice, for others an observation that the biological clock is ticking, others impulsive actions, another common excuse is that of finances, all these have led many into unsavoury marriages.
The fact that one finds oneself in the wrong marriage does not make it easy to walk out of it. A situation whereby you now have children and have become too distracted to realise the gapping gap between you and your spouse as the children are rapidly developing and growing. Then as if with a huge bang you have grown children and a whole life before you and you are wondering as my Bible tells us asking where did I get all these, I thought i was abandoned.
So it's tripled, you have grown children, you see where all the struggle has gone and now they are about to leave you as young adults. Most wives give the excuse they are holding on for the sake of the children. That excuse apparently has an expiry date. So now is the time when many begin to cut on losses. The cleaving makes it almost necessary to leave now. The single you hear now is where to begin as nobody knows the sorrow you had to endure.
The man has been thrown out to labour and for some of not most it's some forms of escapism. How do you relate with a wife or husband you clearly have no affection or feelings towards. This is the wake up call for most, life they say begins at fourth or fifty. Trading blames will not suffice and you find that at this stage many homes actually break based on faulty foundations, which I must extensively elaborate on before conclusion.
The song you hear / not single
Life begins at forty or fifty.
This is the rude awakening called the midlife crisis. Many panic as take inventory and really based on dreams and aspirations the sum is just not adding up . Basically this is the time ideally to bask in the euphoria of achievement but that basic need for relationship has eluded most. This is the sudden realisation that the fundamentals of life such as affection, emotions and security is clearly absent. To understand and reconcile one must go to the fundamentals of marriage in a sane world .
Many find themselves in marriages based on societal pressures. Families have reconciled and set wedding dates not taking into consideration the compatibility of the main people. Essentially these two are lumbered and caged into a union based on the fact that the rich must marry the rich or even the need to connect to a virgin bride as the case was with Princess Di and Prince Charles.
It did not matter that he was in a relationship, he was expected to conform and what a disaster that turned out to be . Marriage is more than giving birth , there's a lot more that gets birthed along the way. The need to yield positive results must be the purpose. When God said it was not right for man to be alone, his decision was to create a help mate that will be suitable.
That is why I like the usage of the word suitor. This should be the template for every union, the help mate must be suitable. Three words here to hold on to, are 1, help 2, mate 3, suit. The idea is for the two to compliment the other. The fact that the poor marries the rich does not make them at disparity. This is the reason why courtship remains a useful tool in establishing the connect. Physical attributes can be inspiring and advantageous.
However beauty is fleeting making it important to have a beautiful relationship for starters. To be best friends with your spouse is vital, what we find in marriages is the situation where people live separate lives. The go getter spirit having crept in leaves a lot emotionless. Over the years people have made wrong choices based on pressure, in some cases greed, manipulation and craftiness. Thereby you find people boxed in marriages when they have no business being together.
The result being a life time of hardship and hurt. Just around some are confronted with the real and ideal partners and increasingly many are taking the plunge for new opportunities and going back to their first and real love or opting for new connections. Living in regret can be frustrating but the consideration can add a new lease of Life to so many. The need to guide our children and youth wisely by ensuring that the mistake of allowing others or extraneous circumstances determine who we marry is fundamentally wrong . To start right and ensure healthy meaningful relationships is futuristic and everything. God help us all at every level.
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